How to Ask for Forgiveness

Neil T. Anderson gives the following advice around asking for forgiveness in “The Steps to Freedom in Christ”:

Only the actions, which have hurt another person, need to be confessed to them. If you have had jealous, lustful or angry thoughts toward another, and they don’t know about it, these are to be confessed to God alone. An exception to this principle occurs when restitution needs to be made. If you stole or broke something, damaged someone’s reputation, and so on, you need to go to that person and make it right, even if he or she is unaware of what you did.

The Process of Seeking Forgiveness

1. Write out what you did wrong and why you did it.

2. Make sure you have already forgiven the person for whatever he or she may have done to you.

3. Think through exactly how you will ask him or her to forgive you. Be sure to
a. Label your action as wrong.
b. Be specific and admit what you did.
c. Make no defenses or excuses.
d. Do not blame the other person, and do not expect or demand that he or she ask for your forgiveness.
e. Your confession should lead to the direct question: “Will you forgive me?”

4. Seek the right place and the right time to approach the offended person.

5. Ask for forgiveness in person from anyone with whom you can talk face-to-face with the following exception: Do not go alone when your safety might be in danger.

Except where no other means of communication is possible, do not write a letter because a letter can be very easily misread or misunderstood; a letter can be read by the wrong people (those having nothing to do with the offense or the confession); a letter can be kept when it should have been destroyed.

Do you need to ask someone for forgiveness? Follow these steps, and stop making excuses to be obedient to the Father.

What If The Person Won’t Forgive Me When I Ask?

This is a question often used to to justify not asking for forgiveness from someone we’ve offended.

It’s never easy to swallow our pride, humble ourselves, admit we were wrong and ask for forgiveness. But what Jesus taught in Matthew 5:23-26 was that we need to leave our sacrifice at the altar and go and seek forgiveness when we’ve offended someone. This is why we celebrate the Lord’s supper regularly and why I’m a fan of celebrating communion every time we gather as the Body of Christ. It allows us the opportunity, and reminds us to judge the body rightly. We allow the Holy Spirit to examine our hearts in regards to our relationships and we make sure we remain in right relationship with the Son by ensuring we’re in right relationship with members of His bride.

But what happens when we try to make amends and the one we’ve offended doesn’t choose to forgive us?

Remember what I said about Rabbi Paul? Here’s where his teaching comes in. Once you sincerely seek forgiveness, you are free-whether the other person forgives you or not.  Paul wrote in Romans 12:18:

Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone. 
(NLT)

So once you’ve sincerely sought forgiveness, you are free. So be sure to do what Jesus said in Matthew 5:24:

…leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God. (NLT)

Asking forgiveness from someone we’ve wronged can be a very difficult thing to do. But now that you know the truth, remember the whole truth – God has not only told you to do it, He’ll empower you to do it. It may be good to discuss these thoughts with your pastor if you need some support in doing what the Bible instructs  you.

We’re praying for you.

Prayer of Release

Over the past few days has the Spirit brought memories of un-forgiven offenses to your thoughts? Maybe you know someone who needs to forgive another, but have been wondering how they can? This prayer isn’t magic, but it has been helpful to  bring people to the freedom of forgiveness.

Prayer:

In the name of Jesus, I purpose and choose to forgive (the person) from my heart for (what they did). I acknowledge the hurt and the hate it has led to in my life and I agree to live with the consequences of their sin.
In the name of Jesus I cancel all the debts and obligations to me. I release (the person) to You, as well as my right to avenge.
Dear Lord, I ask You to forgive me for my bitterness toward (the person) in this situation. In the name of Jesus and in the power of His blood, I cancel satan’s power over me in this memory because I have forgiven and have been forgiven by God.
In the name of Jesus, I command that all the tormentors that have been assigned to me because of my un-forgiveness leave me now.
Holy Spirit, I invite You into my heart and to heal me from this pain. Please speak Your words of truth to me about this situation.
This I pray in the name of Jesus Christ my Lord. Amen

Asking for Forgiveness

We are fallen people living in a fallen world. That’s not an excuse. We need to become more and more and more like Jesus. But there may be times when we have sinned against someone else and we need to make it right.

The rabbis taught that the sin against someone else was heavier than the sin against God, because God would always forgive, but someone else may not.

They didn’t have the book of Romans, so Rabbi Paul had a different point of view we follow, but more about that in a couple days.  Jesus gave us a pattern to follow in Matthew 5:23-26

“So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God. When you are on the way to court with your adversary, settle your differences quickly. Otherwise, your accuser may hand you over to the judge, who will hand you over to an officer, and you will be thrown into prison. And if that happens, you surely won’t be free again until you have paid the last penny. (NLT)

There are a couple of things I’ll point out right away. It’s the one bringing the sacrifice that remembers someone has something against him or her. It’s the Holy Spirit that brings it to their mind. It’s the Spirit’s job to convict sin, not any of ours. Jesus Christ didn’t come into the world to condemn it, so how can we condemn a fellow believer (or the world for that matter)?

Secondly, when the Spirit brings revelation that someone has something against you, you go to them. Don’t wait for them to come to you. in the next post I’ll outline how you should approach them. Today I’ll pray the Spirit empowers you to obey the Father’s will for you.

The Forgiving and Forgetting Fallacy

If you truly forgive, shouldn’t you forget?

Don’t you love it when people quote adages like they’re Scripture? “Forgive and forget” has done so much damage to people’s understanding of God and their relationship with others.

Do you realize God does not forget the sins He forgives us of? How could He and still be an all-knowing God? Instead He chooses to not remember and hold them against us.

“For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.”
(Jeremiah 31:34 NIV)

Then he adds: “Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more.” (Hebrews 10:17 NIV)

This is more than just an exercise in semantics. We also can’t easily forget. God has created us with minds to remember. Thoughts will pop back into our minds and we have no power over the past…but we do have control over how we let our past control our present and our future.

When memories come, of hurts and pains you have chosen to forgive, don’t try to ignore them. Remember the whole event – including the FACT you have chosen to forgive them with the strength God provides.

Dr. Chuck Lynch in his book “I Should Forgive, But…” gives this advice regarding the obsessive thinking that often surrounds forgiven hurts:

1. Address God – Stating God’s name in a firm way forcibly stops the obsessive thinking, but usually only momentarily. It is the starting point at dealing with dangerous thoughts.

2. Thank God – Express appreciation to God for allowing you to remember the past offense you had to forgive. This allows you to review this biblical tool which Christ illustrated at the time of His own hurt and rejection “Father, forgive them…” It will also bring to mind that you have left them with God. You can thank Him that you were able to give the same gift of forgiveness you received and thus reflect God’s character to others.

3. Praise God – Sincerely praise God for the tool of forgiveness. Praise Him for forgiving you as you forgive others and for what He’s going to do through this experience for His glory.

Over time, we can forget many of the worse things done to us. But we don’t get to that place by trying to forget.

The secret is to remember the whole truth, including the fact you’ve chosen to forgive. This is how you release yourself from the lie of the enemy that says you need to forget if you truly forgive.

Choose to remember the whole truth every time the painful emotions around an offense try to control your thinking.

Forgiveness Confusion

Too many followers of Christ are confused about forgiveness. They live out of lies they hold to as truth.

We don’t forgive because we believe the violator needs to pay. We feel the one who did us wrong needs to understand what we were put through. We want the one who sinned to acknowledge what they did and make amends.

But we must awaken to the fact that un-forgiveness leads to bitterness and separation from God. He has forgiven us and wants to enable us to make the choice to forgive those who have sinned against us.

Here are some questions I’ve come across over the years. If someone else has asked them, I know other people are thinking them. Let’s use Scripture to clear up the confusion.

Q. Does the offender pay if I don’t forgive?

A. No. But you pay. You only harm yourself when you refuse to forgive wrongs done to you.

For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you; but if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.(Matthew 6:14-15 NRSV)

If you forgive others, you will be forgiven.
(Luke 6:37 NLT)

Un-forgiveness is a sin God cannot look upon. It separates us from our loving Creator. If you want to see how serious it is, check out Jesus’ parable of the unrepentant servant in Matthew 18:21-35.

Q. Does forgiving someone let him or her “off the hook”?

A. No. It puts them into God’s hands.

Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. (Romans 12:19 NIV)

Q. Shouldn’t I wait until they change before I forgive?

A. No.
Forgive as Christ forgave you (Col 3:13).

How did the Father forgive us?
While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Rom 5:8).

Before we deserved it… He showed us grace. You must choose to forgive whoever has wronged you.  We forgive for the sake of our relationship with God, not for the sake of the other person.

Q. Shouldn’t I wait until I feel like forgiving?

A. Don’t wait until you feel like forgiving… you never will. Forgiveness is a choice, a decision of your will.

Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Colossians 3:13 (NLT)

Q. Do I need to trust someone I forgive?

A. No. Forgiveness and trust are two separate issues.
Forgiveness is given while trust is earned. Forgiving someone does not mean they don’t face the consequences for their actions. It does not mean you put yourself into harm’s way. You are not a doormat for those who would hurt you.

This is excerpt from “The Freedom of Forgiveness” soon available from Expectancy Press

A Serious Question About Forgiveness

I won’t go into the details of when I first heard this question but I can tell you, although it has the appearance of wisdom, it shows a lack of Biblical understanding.

Q. Christ doesn’t forgive me until I ask for it, so shouldn’t I wait to forgive someone until they ask for it?

No. First, you aren’t the Father. You don’t have His capacity for grace.  Second, understand that you forgive for your sake, not theirs.  Third, take a look at what Christ said in Matthew 18:

Then Peter came and said to Him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?”

Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. For this reason the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. When he had begun to settle them, one who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. But since he did not have the means to repay, his lord commanded him to be sold, along with his wife and children and all that he had, and repayment to be made. So the servant fell to the ground and prostrated himself before him, saying, ‘Have patience with me and I will repay you everything.’ And the lord of that servant felt compassion and released him and forgave him the debt. But that servant went out and found one of his fellow servant who owed him a hundred denarii; and he seized him and began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay back what you owe.’ So his fellow servant fell to the ground and began to plead with him, saying, ‘Have patience with me and I will repay you.’ But he was unwilling and went and threw him in prison until he should pay back what was owed. So when his fellow servants saw what had happened, they were deeply grieved and came and reported to their lord all that had happened. Then summoning him, his lord said to him, ‘You wicked servant, I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. ‘Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow servant, in the same way that I had mercy on you?’ And his lord, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he should repay all that was owed him. My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart.”
Matthew 18:21-35 (NASB)

Christ said in this parable that if we don’t forgive another from our hearts, torturers will be assigned to us. If you don’t forgive someone until they ask for forgiveness, you’re actually letting them keep you imprisoned.

Unforgiveness is like drinking poison to hurt someone else.

Don’t be mistaken, in this parable the second servant owed the first one 100 days worth of salary – that’s about pay for a 3rd of a year . It was not an insignificant amount.

You may have some horrible  wrongs done to you. You still must choose to forgive. Put the offender in the Father’s hand. He will make all things right. Trust Him. He’s good.

Do I Need to Forgive Myself?

Do we ever need to forgive ourselves?

For  a long time my response to this question was, “If the Father forgives me, who am I to hold a grudge?” But as I work with people I find increasingly that to move on in their relationship with God, they really do need to forgive themselves.

We can’t allow condemnation from the past to define our destiny. That authority to define our destiny is the Father’s alone.

Personally, I know if it wasn’t for the grace of God, I’d have a hard time forgiving myself  for near-missed catastrophes. He’s kept me from doing a lot of harm. Thinking about the pain I might have caused people I know it can be difficult to forgive ourselves. But we must.

Forgiving yourself is much like forgiving another :

1. It’s a choice you make – a decision of your will.
2. You agree to live the consequences of your actions – meaning seek forgiveness of others if you can.
3. You leave yourself with God – knowing He’s good and in a good mood.

Choose to forgive yourself now…

Father, I feel the remorse for the pain I’ve caused. I don’t know if I can move on, but I choose to do because I know you’ve created me to fulfill the destiny you have for me. I choose to forgive myself for (name the event). I’m sorry it happened and You know the pain I feel for the pain I’ve caused.  Lord, I have/will seek forgiveness from those I’ve hurt. Thank you for forgiving me.

In Christ there is no condemnation, so stop beating yourself up. Next time I’ll teach you how to deal with the emotions you may still have around the pain you’ve caused others.

Applicable Inspiration for Life in the Spirit

Welcome to Empowering Inspirations. For a few years this site was a bookstore for Expectancy Ministries, but we felt it would servce better as a blog to give people tools to life the life the Father has called us to. I have a number of booklets and articles already written that provide practical tools for living the supernatural life. This will be a site for some of that material.

I’m still working on a few projects before I launch this site. And there are a number of tweaks I want to add to this site. The plan is to start writing here twice a week starting May 11. I’ll aslo write twice a week at Drink From the Deep - this blog will be focusing on the nature of the Father, Son and Spirit, along with working theology for the nameless, faceless revival that’s taking place right now around the world. That leaves Fridays when I’ll write RevTrev Reviews.

Better run. More to come…

Why Un-Forgiveness Hurts Us

Are you a follower of Christ who struggles with having a victorious daily walk with the Lord?

If so, it may be because of the sin of un-forgiveness. God cannot violate his perfect nature and overlook our sin. Un-forgiveness is a common stronghold the devil has in the lives of many of God’s children. We believe lies about forgiveness and live according to those lies.

Even if you’re not struggling with un-forgiveness, you are connected with someone who is. It is possibly the greatest inhibitor of spiritual maturity in the body of Christ. It effects us spiritually, emotionally and even physically.

We live in a fallen world where hurt people hurt people. Once you know how to be healed, you can help heal others.

Other the next 12 posts we will be examining the lies and truth around forgiveness and enable you to release others in the freedom that it brings.